Physics, Who Cares?

In the perfect logic of a 19 year old, I chose Social Work as a major for two reasons:

1. One math class was required  

2. Football Physics could count as a science requirement.

Okay, three reasons:

3. Once I got married and had kids, social work would surely help me be a better wife and parent. 

I'm not kidding. And I'm embarrassed to admit number three was absolutely something I'd say aloud. Note to self, "congratulate yourself for learning to filter some truths."

I graduated from Baylor in 1987 with a Bachelors Degree in Social Work. I did not, however, leave with better math skills or one iota of concern for physics or science, really. 

Whether or not I intended to become intimately involved with two physical laws, is hard to estimate. But with a needed shove from a friend--pretty sure there's a physics term for that--force?, I joined a gym and hired a trainer. I think of physics constantly now. Particularly, these two laws:

1. Inertia-in·er·tia/iˈnərSHə/

Noun:

A tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

*A property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is...

2. Gravity

grav·i·ty/ˈgravitē/

Noun:

The force that attracts a body toward the center of the earth, or toward any other physical body having mass. 

I can also add, free of charge, that Inertia makes Gravity FAR worse in the mirror. Back to that defintion...If inertia is a uniform motion in a straight line, explain cellulite! I see no straight lines.  I actually understand that another law of physics is involved in that process, so don't lecture me about that law. I earned  my hail damage through this equation:

Buttercream Icing + Intertia = Cellulite.

Let me share what I know about physics after about a month in the gym. I'm a word girl, not a symbol or equation person. I'll keep this simple.

Intertia- Something that hasn't moved in years will hurt when you move it again. It can make you dizzy, sick, and utterly exhausted. All day. 

Gravity is unavoidable.

If something hangs lower because it's older and bigger, it hurts trying to lose it or reposition it. A lot. It will cause profuse sweating, muscle fatigue, and can trigger sounds you never knew you were capable of making. By the time you get that doggie lifted towards the imaginary hydrant, the beat of the music is no concern.

I take this moment to apologize to every adult I ever sneered or laughed at when he or she grunted while rising from any position. I also apologize to those "old ladies" my Mom's age who faithfully attended the aerobics class I helped Carol teach. I understand your problem was not lack of rhythm. 

Annie Beth asked me the other day, "Momma, when will you stop grunting everytime you get up or walk?" L- "Sweetie, it's permanent. It's penance for scoffing at physics."

If you're at my Neighborhood Wal-Mart and hear groaning or grunting, holler, "Hi, Lori!" I'll be on the next aisle silently cursing the 16 year old stock boy for putting my Ozarka water bottles on the top shelf. I picked those because they required only arm forward motion.

PS...I vow not to be obsessed with weight loss and calories in this blog. I just want to be healthier and enjoy living in my body more. I will not give up buttercream frosting for a lifetime. Or banana laffy taffy.