Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Remind Me Not to Marry Tom Cruise

I wish I could say I wrote this. I did not. I subscribe to this blog about life during and after divorce through Hopeful World Publishing. It's fantastic. Not just because of great information; but, both women are expert writers with hearts that are full and open to change. I'm re-posting one of the meditations from this week that resonated so deeply with me. Even if you're not on this page, you know at least one person, maybe many, many persons who might like to read this. Enjoy.



Hopeful World

Whether you're happily nestled in a budding new relationship or disentangling from your marriage, claiming your power and perhaps more importantly your wholeness is a critical element in a hopeful divorce.
I bought my first People magazine ever when I saw Katie Holmes' escape from Tom Cruise plastered across the cover. This marriage had always been symbolic to me of that precipice where the fairy tale leaves off and Happily Ever After is a free fall.

While I'll never know and am not too concerned about what actually happened between those two people, I found their public trajectory representative of one of the most primary themes (for women) that gets played out in a romantic relationship--moving from enchantment to entrapment to escape.

We think a man is going to give us something necessary to complete us or even save us. We don't understand the kind of helplessness and hopelessness this agreement establishes. We don't understand that we actually already have what we're looking to the man to give us. It takes walking in heels for a decade to get over his idea of beauty and our willingness to sacrifice to achieve it. It takes leaving him to find that we had the damn glass slipper in the back of the closet all along.

When I learned of Katie's secret plot, her secret phone, her secret little pilot light of a self still flickering deep within her--despite the light that had gone out of her eyes--I felt fierce. For all of us women who literally had to kill ourselves off in our marriages to get ourselves back, wizened, tattered, in divorce.

I'm sorry Tom Cruise, but my answer is no. You can jump on Oprah's couch till the cows come home. You can stun the world with your exponential romantic gesture. My cup is full. I've arrived with both feet on the ground at Happily Ever After. I'm not buying what you're selling.

Where did you buy into the myth of Happily Ever After? Where can you take back a little part of yourself that you've put in the hands of another? You'll need that glass slipper for your own magnificent dance. No prince charming necessary.




Sage Cohen
Sage Cohen is the author of Writing the Life Poetic and The Productive Writer, both from Writer's Digest Books, and the poetry collection Like the Heart, the World. Awarded first place in the Ghost Road Press poetry contest and nominated for a Pushcart Prize, Sage teaches and lectures at writing conferences throughout the country. She offers information and inspiration about the writing life on her blog www.pathofpossibility.com.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

My Newest Friends

This story came as quite a surprise to me. I walked away grinning from ear to ear. My hope is you will smile too. Friends are a treasure.

For lots of reasons, some valid and some not, I don't cook a whole lot anymore. That said, when  the new Chinese restaurant opened right down the street, I was one of their first customers. It's less than a minute from the house. Foodies aren't the customers here. It's more the Panda Express/Taco Bell crowd.  I go at least once a week. I can eat for less there than at Wendy's. On days when I'm feeling particularly bad about being a loser mom who feeds her child fast food too much, we get take out at my new restaurant  Sadly, I cannot even tell you the name. I think it might be The Lucky Panda. Then again it might be Oriental Gardens. It doesn't matter. I know where it is.

I admire the owners so much. They are lovely people and I want their efforts to risk what I'm assuming would be everything plus  to open this place be rewarded. For the life of me, I cannot imagine going to China and thinking, "Hey, let me open an American Diner! I don't really speak Chinese; but, I'm bright, I can cook, and I can smile." I truly admire their tenacity and courage. They know that I appreciate their efforts because I'm a regular who tips generously. I strongly believe in rewarding the under appreciated and the risk takers. If I've got money and time, I always brake for lemonade stands.

Last Thursday, Annie Beth and I stopped by to order take out. Efficiency was the goal. Place order. Go to Wal-Mart Market. Buy two items. Get food. Go home. Eat.

Except the sweet woman who is normally standing alone at the check-out area was joined by two adorable little boys. They were sitting at a Thomas the Train table nestled within the confines of that small space. Children are game changers for me, especially cute little boys with shaved heads of coarse black hair. Their backs were facing me. I noticed that their heads were almost identical. If standing up against the wall, their heads could almost be flush with the drywall. I knew immediately they belonged to the owner because he has the same head.

Whether I started my conversation with the boys first or placed my order, I cannot be sure. I can tell you, for sure, that when they turned their heads I was utterly charmed that the fronts of their adorable faces could also lie flush with a wall  and they could breathe easily. I am continually amazed at God's creativity and how beautifully different human beings are.

I learned quickly that the boys were ages 5 and 6. Both, with the nodding approval of their parents, spoke to me. Before we left, with promise to return within 10 minutes, Annie Beth and I learned that they were practicing Chinese characters, loved trains, especially Thomas, and that the older one's favorite crayon was, "All of them!!"

Upon our return, Annie Beth and I were greeted by the whole family in the diminutive cash register area. The boys' black eyes were hidden inside almond shaped slivers forced into place because of their toothy grins. I praised the boys once again and purposely told the parents what a great job they were doing in raising such fine boys. As I turned to give Annie Beth the bag of food, I noticed the little one getting up from his tiny blue folding chair. I reached over the counter to touch him on the shoulder or head. Before I could do so, he, with great five year old authority, put out his right hand. He shook my hand with great firmness. He looked directly into my eyes. And with rhythmic shaking and perfectly enunciated words he said with all earnest sincerity,

"I am going to be your friend."

I am thrilled beyond belief with my newly formed friendships. I am alone today and felt the need for a lesson in Chinese character writing. Much more, I wanted to experience the unabashed enthusiasm of a two little boys who are delighted to share their world with a lady who talks with a crazy accent and pays money to have watermelons painted on her toes.

Before I left, while looking for approval from their proud, but ever watchful mother, I asked the boys if they would join me at my table the next time I'm their guest at the restaurant. With her approval, they solemnly said, "Yes." As I left I heard giggles from below the counter top.

Chicken and snow peas sounds like a great lunch tomorrow.