I had my hair smushed up into a quasi-Pebbles/I Dream of Jeanne do. It took all of 4 seconds to create. There was enough hair sticking up and around the back of my head that it was flopping in rhythm to my consistent, but slowing pace. I was amused, almost to the point of audible laughter, when I realized I could see the frizzy ends of my hair in my shadow. Although shadows can be deceptive, I made a snap decision that a trim was in my future.
I was staying at my sister's house due to the kitchen remodel. She just happened to be at her hair stylist's salon that day. Kim, Carol's forthright stylist duty bound by an oath for truth to clients was able to work me in that same day. "Just a trim and a bang even-ing job, please." Kim her eyes not and pursed lips communicating the true message said, "I do free bang trims whenever you want to stop by."
That is Kim's polite way of saying, "Lori, quit hackin' at your own hair with whatever pair of scissors or sharp tool you can locate."
When she dried my hair, she began explaining how to achieve the style she chose for me. I noticed, without concern, that my bangs looked very different. In one mindless, habitual action, I reached for the right part of my bang and pulled towards the back of my head. Snapping to attention, Kim blurted out, "NO!" I must have looked like the wide eyed, confused toddler that I felt like at that second. Backing down from her stance, she pulled my hair further back, revealing more of my scalp and forehead.
K- "What do you see?"
Shoulders frozen. Spine rigid. Holding my breath, I sheepishly asked, "Wrinkles?"
K- With a chuckle and a slight, but fleeting affirmation that yes, there were wrinkles said, "No. This bald spot."
WHAT?
With bionic eye focus I saw it for the very first time. A bald spot. A BALD spot!! My bald spot. I remarked internally, with a taste of scorn, "Well thanks alot, Kim. Now I've got something else to worry about!" Strike the mental part. I'm pretty sure I said it aloud.
I couldn't even focus on the deliciously even ends of my salon styled hair. (My hair looks this way several times a year. That's it.)
A dog with a new bone.
I logged more miles to a mirror in a week, than I have since age 15. She was right. I have a bald spot. Me! I'll admit, I even looked at pictures from childhood to see if that was a lifelong, unnoticed flaw, or yet another unwanted perk of aging.
I'm guessing I'm not the only one who doesn't want bald spots. Even more, I'll bet there are a few people who enjoy blind spots either, especially those of us who are ancestor-ed in shame.
There is a place and time when negative, unpleasant things can and need to be verbalized, I'm sure. Blind spots are tricky business when they are mishandled, I think. I've noticed most people can blurt out a list of flaws; but, the positive sides are more difficult to articulate. More than a little sad to me.
What happens when wonderful and uplifting attributes are highlighted by another person?
When I went into therapy in my early twenties, I expected, in effect, to get the list of flaws on a spreadsheet with solutions listed in the following columns. Gay, without my understanding, turned that paradigm on it's faulty head and started over.
She began pointing out positive truths about Lori Clark. Not smoke. No mirrors. Truth, as she saw it. I discovered quickly that positive blind spots are more difficult to internalize as truth. It's particularly tough when others have used positive affirmations as a form of manipulation for self gain. That said, in time, with trust and health, I began accepting that Gay, a whole and healthy person was speaking truth about me.
So, I've learned to stand on my head, so to speak because of a built relationship with Gay. My foundation is vastly stronger internally because of what she helped me see. Some stones were chipped away slowly while new ones were being shored into place. Others were blown up through various events, welcomed or not. There are charred stones that are part of who I am in my internal foundation, usable and tested. What I trust more than anything or anyone, Gay included, is that The Cornerstone is perfectly dependable, without flaw, and eager to make me more like Him.
Just for today, give thought to another's ever changing world and speak words of character affirmation into her/his life.
Philippians 2
The Message (MSG)
2 1-4 If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
5-8 Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.9-11 Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.
P. S. Rogaine is as effective as they claim.
