Lindy introduced me to a new favorite blog, peopleIwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com. I love this woman. She is completely irreverent. I laughed so hard when reading her thoughts about my personal nemesis, Elf on Shelf, I snorted several times. I also did a reverse snort, but that's gross. She was my hero for several days last week. I even thought seriously about trying to become her.
This is nothing new for me. I have a long fascination with women who are brash, brazen, and don't give a flying flip what others think about them. It seems so liberating to just say what you aren't allowed to say and just go about your business of the moment. No guilt. No shame. If consequences are unpleasant, a shaking off of the dust and tally ho!
I also really savor Ann Voskamp's blog: onethousandgifts.com. She inspires me to think, and contemplate on a daily basis.
These two blogs were bumped up against one another on my dashboard today. It says a lot about me, I'm sure, even without deep introspective thoughts. I opened my reader because I was going to write. Instead I read for a while.
I've been grumpy today for valid reasons. I got home from a short trip to Kingwood and one of my cats had diarrhea. Gross is an understatement. The outdoor Christmas lights that promptly blew out when plugged into the outlet still didn't work and still needed to be removed, fuses replaced, and stored for next year. (Next year I'll do it differently.) My child had just called for the first time in days and I was greeted with, "Momma you forgot....and ruined...." And the grumpiest part of all? The motion he filed just before Christmas for a new trial did not disappear during the most wonderful time of the year.
I don't enjoy being a grouch. Maybe I would get an idea of something to be grateful about by reading the guru of grateful? I was reading Ann and thinking,
"Ann, I kind of want to punch you in the throat. Do you ever take the low road?"
"Why can't you be Sue Sylvester for just one day, Lori?"
Low road only. Give voice to all your internal snarky remarks and let life happen.
Why not? Because I'm not the lady who can write a hilarious blog about a silly elf and the extremes soccer moms go to to outdo themselves during the busiest, craziest time of the year for a parent. She writes in a way that offends as many people as it makes laugh. That woman got hate mail! Which makes me love her all the more. Keep writing.
I'm also not Sue Sylvester or Joyce, my Heavenly editor, or Ann Voskamp, the Mother Theresa of blogland.
I'm Lori. I have tried being who others want me to be and have failed at that. Being the authentic me made it impossible for me to remain in deep relationship with many people including my spouse. The only person I'm good at being is me. And sometimes being me sucks. I've given up many patterns that numbed my emotional inner world and gave me the illusion that life was better. I still care way too much about what others think of me and for so many wrong reasons. If I could get away with more hurtful behavior, I must admit, I'd take the low road more. A lot more.
All that said, I still want to make this next year a year of counting blessings over bullet pointing lists of wrongs done to me. I want to listen to stories and the heart of others and choose compassion over judgment. I want to love instead of shift shame. I want to stay focused on hope and not wallow in despair.
I love to laugh but never at the expense of another person's soul. I'll instead, just continue walking and breathing and being me. I can't do that without God's faithfulness, mercy, and grace. And I have discovered that gratefulness transforms grumpy.
Part of today's list:
#427 Disposable rubber gloves and plenty of paper towels.
#428 Garbage service.
#429 Ladders and easily replaceable fuses.
#430 An increasing ability to not assign blame to myself for what I am not responsible.
#431 Knowing that God will be in the consequences no matter what my future holds.
#432 I am never alone.
I was not at all surprised to open your blog today and see that you follow the punch in the throat blogger too. I knew you'd appreciate her humor. She is hilarious and I always laugh when I read her posts. But I do have to tell you that I enjoy your blog more. She's funny. Snort-my-coffee-up-my-nose funny. But other than being funny her blog has no substance. Don't get me wrong, I love to laugh and not everything I read has to be meaningful. But I find that when I read your words I get both. You never fail to make me laugh and on top of that, you always leave me with a lesson learned, or words to think about.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me and I only know you through your writings, but for me, you being you, is perfect.
I hope 2012 is a wonderful year for you.
Oh, and good luck with that cat diarrhea, I have to admit, just the thought of cleaning that up makes me vomit in my mouth a little... =)
I cannot thank you enough for your kind words, especially tonight. Your timing was perfect.
ReplyDeleteAnd. Gagging was required in my cat duties!Wowza. PS You'd laugh if you knew how many times I've cut snarky remarks out about what I'd love to have done with the "fruit" of my clean up labor. Heeheehee!
One of my kids is sleeping in my bed and I just woke him up by laughing out loud at you! My imagination is having a fun time thinking what those snarky remarks were!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up girl, I'm rooting for you!!
A friend of mine just sent me this. I thought it might be something you'd enjoy reading.
ReplyDeleteMy Unwavering Connection to the Infinite...worth
by Wayne Zespy on Monday, September 28, 2009 at 11:13am
Though much of who and what I am changes as I journey through life, my inherent worth remains constant. While the term self-worth is often used interchangeably with self-esteem, the two qualities are inherently different. Self-esteem is the measure of how I feel about myself at a given moment in time. My worth, however, is not a product of my intelligence, my talent, my looks, my good works, or how much I have accomplished. Rather it is immeasurable and unchanging manifestation of my eternal and infinite oneness with the universe. It represents the cornerstone of the dual foundations of optimism and self-belief. My worth cannot be taken from me or damaged by life’s rigors, yet it can easily be forgotten or even actively ignored. By regularly acknowledging my self-worth, I can ensure that I never forget what an important, beloved, and special part of the universe I am.
I am born worthy—my worth is intertwined with my very being. My concept of my own self-worth is thus reinforced by my actions. Each time I endeavor to appreciate myself, treat myself kindly, define my personal boundaries, be proactive in seeing that my needs are met, and broaden my horizons, I express my recognition of my innate value. During those periods when I have lost sight of my worth, I will likely feel mired in depression, insecurity, and a lack of confidence. I’ll pursue a counterfeit worth based on judgment rather than the beauty that resides within. When I feel worthy, however, I will accept myself without hesitation. It is my worth as an individual who is simultaneously interconnected with all living beings that allows me to be happy, confident, and motivated. Because my conception of my worth is not based on the fulfillment of expectations, I’ll see my mistakes and failures as just another part of life’s journey.
Human beings are very much like drops of water in an endless ocean. Our worth comes from our role as distinct individuals as well as our role as an integral part of something larger than ourselves. Simply awakening to this concept can help us rediscover the copious and awe-inspiring worth within each and every one of us.