Every once in a while, I actually remember my previous failures and purpose to do things differently. Strike that. No, that's usually true. What is not true, sadly, is that I'm rarely successful in the follow through. I've got all kinds of excuses and rationales--even some reasons that make me sound wise and wonderful when I've failed in the same way for the 17th time. That's what made today remarkable. I actually remembered how to avoid the failure and followed through. And my egg still broke.
I was so focused on protecting my newly found bird's egg from destruction by my hand, that I did not factor in any other variables. I was contemplating that profound truth that my choices and my actions did matter to this fragile egg. I had the power to protect it or destroy it. I was pleased with this lesson, feeling fed by the Spirit.
And yet, that was only part of the story this morning. The same lovely breeze that was cooling my sweaty body was also the breeze that carried my treasure away. I was shocked when it flew out of my cupped hand. How could I have missed that? Even breezes can carry an empty shell away! Old tapes instantly screamed, "You're so stupid, Lori! How could you have forgotten about the other dangers? You are a failure."
Did I fail? From the standpoint of bringing home an abandoned bird's egg, I guess I could say, if pushed, "Yes, that was a failure." But in the larger scheme of things, does that prove anything about my ability to succeed? No, of course it doesn't. In His ever gentle and loving way, God was teaching me something new today.
Yes, Love, do things differently when you're able. That's such a wise thing to do. Just understand that wind blows and holes are hidden in luscious fields of green grass. People make mistakes and sometimes deliberately break things that you treasure. Trust that no matter the outcome, I am present in the consequences.
Help me remember. And believe.
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