My Perfect Life?

I’ve got drafts for about 3 or 4 posts that are almost ready to be published. Not sure why I’m not finishing them; but, the timing just seems off. After I published the Invisibility blog—the one about being seen—one of my wickedly funny and brilliant friends at the gym said she’d been pondering two aspects of that concept: (these are my extrapolations of what I thought she was saying)

       

  1. How does social media interface with being seen? Do we control how we want to be seen?

   2.      Why do some people seem to occupy more “space” in a room? Is that a reflection of person’s character structure? Does commanding attention always point to early deficits? (still thinking about this…)

First, thanks Jill for pushing me to think more deeply—even if I ended up losing count with the yellow kettlebell and doing too many. Never trust your trainer to count for you.

For now, on the heels of a very busy social media event—Halloween, I’m thinking about being seen. 

In our travels with thera-LINK, we attend lots of psychological conferences. I love research. I enjoy listening to students and professors discuss their findings at poster sessions. There is a ton of research going on about how social media is changing our culture and how we relate to one another. As with most things, there are positive and negative results.

Facebook on Halloween is a favorite because I get to see kids of all ages dressed up and having fun. Without any experience with children, or life in general, if I based my world view of Halloween on the 2-4 pictures posted by 500 of my 900 “friends", I’d think that 99% of the world smiled and laughed all night long. People ate Pinterest perfect food. Everyone has latent professional pumpkin carving skills. Every toddler happily wore the costume Mom spent hours making or ordered from a specialty catalog. All siblings gladly shared their candy. All people that inhaled uncountable shots of vodka used Uber to get home. No one cried. No one yelled. And everyone remembers everything about the BEST NIGHT EVER!

I, in general, post only funny anecdotal events, happy pictures, and positive things. I am not intentionally trying to post a skewed view of my world. I just figure that most people don’t really want to hear about my crummy day or my political tirade. I know that NO ONE cares that I’m at Target buying gluten free bagels. (That sounds horrible, btw)

Hang on, I’m getting there…..

You can learn about a person through their posts. For the most part, the people whom I friend on Facebook I have met face to face or have some point of reference that’s based on some segment of my life. By glancing at my year end video that Facebook produces for me, you’d notice these things: I value family and friends. I spend wads of cash on live theater and movies. I hire a personal trainer. My weight fluxuates. I laugh a lot. I am divorced. I have one child and her initials are ABC.

Here’s the tricky part. What conclusions do you make based on what I post? If you notice that I’m smiling or laughing in most all of my pictures, the snap deduction would be: “This woman is happy ALL THE TIME!” Unless you know me well, or read my blog, you wouldn’t guess that I’ve suffered with depression for all of my adult life.

“She’s busy all the time!” I’m not.

If you’re trying to figure out how fat or not fat I am currently, look for the photos I’ve been tagged in by someone else. If I post them, I crop the living daylights out of them. I could disallow people to tag me as an effort to thwart pictures I do not like….but, I am willing to risk being seen as I am.

I have never called Annie Beth Clark, “ABC” aloud. I type that because I’m lazy and she accidentally got cute initials. I expect her to marry someone with a D surname.

It’s unrealistic to think that I get the real view of someone based on 5 pictures a week and several funny anecdotes. If we use social media as a way to enhance relationships, stay connected with people we have lost because of geography and circumstance, that’s one thing. But, to use it as a primary method of connection may not be realistic, dare I say, even real?

That’s one of the reasons I blog. I believe that most of us are trampling through a mundane life looking for ways to find meaning and connection. Sometimes mundane morphs into chaos and disaster with one poor decision, intentional abuse at another’s hand, or the mistake of a stranger. It’s hard to love people. Tell me it’s easy and I’m gonna assume you live under a rock.

The most profound connections in my life have been based on mutuality and gut-level admissions of love, limitations, fear, failures, and loss. Then, when the moments of unadulterated joy occur--which do and will happen--the bonds are forged golden. 

Here’s to living authentically and paying attention to the remarkable moments of each day. 

PS...for you grammar police. If there is a way to use an em dash in blogspot, I haven't found it. It bugged me enough that I started writing in Word and transferring it here. I edit constantly and am too lazy to edit back and forth. #goodenough